Through Storms and Growling Thunder

It’s with great pleasure that I share the latest in the series of ‘Moments That Made Me’ posts. This post was written by a former colleague of mine, Jane Booth. Jane and I worked for a national coaching organisation and she is a passionate believer in self-development, and in supporting the development of others through coaching and mentoring.

Jane’s poem was inspired by a sense of significant shifts taking place in her life. She writes beautifully and powerfully, highlighting the doubts, fears and pain that can often propel us towards a future full of hope and new possibilities. I hope you enjoy it. 

The past
Powerless, undervalued, incomplete, not in control
Helpless, ineffective, inefficient, damaged soul
Spineless, unprotected, unsuccessful, so exposed
Gutless, unproductive, insufficient and enclosed

Pointless, unavailing, inefficacious, without pride
Feckless, unimportant, superfluous, nullified
Useless, good-for-nothing, inept, empty, on my own
Needless, inconsequential, facing everything alone

Meaningless, unworthy, causing trouble, causing grief
Valueless and futile, high self-limiting belief
Directionless, contemptible, unsound and full of shame
Motionless and hidden, feeling I’m the one to blame

Purposeless, a victim, missing focus, feeling lost
Motiveless, a failure, every action has a cost
Clueless, unproductive, irrelevant, a fake
Senseless, mediocre, like I’m just about to break

The present
A hundred million reasons why I can’t or why I won’t
Most powerful excuses why I shan’t or why I don’t
A never-ending feeling, I deserve all that I get
Most miserable existence and it’s not all over yet

The pain is unrelenting, it is constant, deep inside
The voices unforgiving, every whisper amplified
The doubts are ever present, never leaving me in peace
The critics never ending, never showing signs they’ll cease

My resolve grows ever weaker; I can’t fight this any more
My desire is disappearing; I can no longer be sure
That I want to overcome this, that I want to change my ways
That I want things to be different, that I long for better days

That I want to stop the hurting, stop the demons in my head
Stop the overpowering urges, stop the nagging fear and dread
Stop the drive to be so harmful, stop the nasty things I say
Stop the self-fulfilling prophet saying there’s no other way

The future
Yet through fog and desperation, through the darkness and the night
Through the utter desolation, there’s a glimmering spark of light
Through storms and growling thunder, through the endless pouring rain
Through the strong sense of confusion, there’s a chance to shake this pain

There’s a chance to rediscover all the things I want to be
A chance to re-determine all the visions I will see
A chance to reinvent myself, to redefine my goals
A chance to regain confidence, re-capture some control

Now hopeful, optimistic, with ambition and with aim
Positive, aspiring, without fear and without blame
Encouraging and upbeat, feeling calm and reassured
Resolute and more courageous, feeling confident, secure

My journey’s my decision, my direction is my choice
My destiny, my end point, the loudness of my voice
My future’s my prerogative, my destiny my own
My fate, my destination, will grow from seeds I’ve sown.

Something changed.

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